Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
