i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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