TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
