well I can't set my house on fire every night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
