dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
