Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
