I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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