Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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