I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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