How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
