i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
