You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
