the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
