i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
