It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
