I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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