Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
