I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
