I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
