He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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