"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
