it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
