he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
