Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
