Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
