I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
