Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
