My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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