Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
