That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
