Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize