Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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