my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Let's paint friendship bongs
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize