im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
