is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
