Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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