I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
