I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
