GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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