Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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