we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
This house was built for laser tag.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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