I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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