a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
