oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
