she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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