I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
