we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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