well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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