The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
