Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
