Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
