Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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