Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
