i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
