Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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