I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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