better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
