I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
