look no pants
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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