I like to think it a success when the cops are called
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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