I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
