Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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