did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
