my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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