Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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