TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
