I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize