your parents love me but you hate me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
