70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
