so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
