GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
