Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
