I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
