Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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