first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got inside last night via doggy door
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize