I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
