Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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