shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
