His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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