I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize