Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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