You can't motorboat a personality
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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