It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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