party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Randomize
