Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
