I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
