when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
