i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
