i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
