Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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