A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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