I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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