I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
