I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
