i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
