Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He passed out mid-signature
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
