I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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