No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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