I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
