I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
