Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
