no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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