To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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