dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
