How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
