DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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