On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
