Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
