I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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