Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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