She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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